This week marks three years since I left full time employment and a place where I worked for eleven years. Over the years my job role changed many times, eventually becoming a position that I really didn't enjoy. It was both stressful and very rewarding at the same time. It was also a job that sometimes had you on call 24 hours a day, not very good for ones health, family life or relationships. In the end I just got sick of all the politics and jobs for the boys (actually girls) mentality and decided that it was time to go and look for greener pastures.
The anticipation of leaving, gave me the opportunity to think about me for a change and what I wanted from life. What did I want to do? My dream was to live a simpler more greener life. I wanted to slow down and actually enjoy life, not just worry about and be so absorbed in work that I really had no life. I also wanted to escape the Queensland summers as they really knock me around.
About ten months before I left work we decided that we would move to Tasmania, something that I'd been longing to do for years. The plan was to sell our house in Brisbane and then look for a place in Tassie. I was excited at the thought of such an adventure, seeing that I wasn't really a risk taker. We had a weeks holiday in Tasmana to check out areas we might like to live in, things were finally looking up.
Once I had finished work I was left with the job of decluttering and getting the house ready to sell. The strange thing was that I just couldn't get motivated to do anything. Whilst I should have been excited at the prospect of moving, all I could think about was did I make a mistake leaving my job. It was a weird feeling, actually it felt like I'd had the life sucked out of me. My job had become my life and now it was gone.
The days, weeks and months went by without me achieving much. Sure I packed lots of boxes, didn't really declutter much, just packed all my troubles away. Eventually the global financial crisis took hold and the decision was made that moving to Tasmania without jobs to go to, was not the wisest choice in uncertain times. So the move was put on hold for three to six months. I got a casual job and that was that.
Three years later we are still here in Brisbane, still surrounded by boxes that I packed three years ago, still stuck in a rut. Each year around this time I feel rather sad and annoyed that I didn't have the guts to follow my dream. I don't want to wait till I retire, I want to enjoy it now! Sounds selfish I know. In the meantime I'm trying hard to make the most of where I am. Not an easy task I must say.
On a more positive note, the past three years have been a time for learning new skills and remembering old lessons learnt. I've still got a long way to go and much to learn.
Sorry for rambling on and for writing such a self indulgent post, just needed to get it off my chest.
Hope you have a lovely weekend