Friday, March 25, 2011

Three years on

Warning - long and rambling post ahead, you might want to turn off now!

This week marks three years since I left full time employment and a place where I worked for eleven years. Over the years my job role changed many times, eventually becoming a position that I really didn't enjoy. It was both stressful and very rewarding at the same time. It was also a job that sometimes had you on call 24 hours a day, not very good for ones health, family life or relationships. In the end I just got sick of all the politics and jobs for the boys (actually girls) mentality and decided that it was time to go and look for greener pastures.

The anticipation of leaving, gave me the opportunity to think about me for a change and what I wanted from life. What did I want to do? My dream was to live a simpler more greener life. I wanted to slow down and actually enjoy life, not just worry about and be so absorbed in work that I really had no life. I also wanted to escape the Queensland summers as they really knock me around.

About ten months before I left work we decided that we would move to Tasmania, something that I'd been longing to do for years. The plan was to sell our house in Brisbane and then look for a place in Tassie. I was excited at the thought of such an adventure, seeing that I wasn't really a risk taker. We had a weeks holiday in Tasmana to check out areas we might like to live in, things were finally looking up.

Once I had finished work I was left with the job of decluttering and getting the house ready to sell. The strange thing was that I just couldn't get motivated to do anything. Whilst I should have been excited at the prospect of moving, all I could think about was did I make a mistake leaving my job. It was a weird feeling, actually it felt like I'd had the life sucked out of me. My job had become my life and now it was gone.

The days, weeks and months went by without me achieving much. Sure I packed lots of boxes, didn't really declutter much, just packed all my troubles away. Eventually the global financial crisis took hold and the decision was made that moving to Tasmania without jobs to go to, was not the wisest choice in uncertain times. So the move was put on hold for three to six months. I got a casual job and that was that.

Three years later we are still here in Brisbane, still surrounded by boxes that I packed three years ago, still stuck in a rut. Each year around this time I feel rather sad and annoyed that I didn't have the guts to follow my dream. I don't want to wait till I retire, I want to enjoy it now! Sounds selfish I know. In the meantime I'm trying hard to make the most of where I am. Not an easy task I must say.

On a more positive note, the past three years have been a time for learning new skills and remembering old lessons learnt. I've still got a long way to go and much to learn.

Sorry for rambling on and for writing such a self indulgent post, just needed to get it off my chest.

Hope you have a lovely weekend


Sue, Joe and Michael Webber said...

Has it helped getting it off your chest? Perhaps you should have another look at Tasmania, check out the job situation there again! Go on, what you got to lose! :D ♥

Rose said...

Lisa I had no idea of the Tasmania plan, I agree with Sue look at it again maybe it's possible ... If it isn't possible then maybe somewhere else is? And if both of those possibilities aren't viable options then maybe unpack the boxes and bloom where you are?

When I left teaching I could not do a thing for about three months so I know what you mean about when you stopped the job.

Anonymous said...

You have not just sat idle. You have been gaining skills to use later. Yes keep working towards your goal. Baby steps if necessary but do keep a dream. A dream that will at some time become your reality. I take it you both have defined in your head what you mean by living more green and simple. Each couple has their own ideas on what they individually want Their Own life to be to nourish them. As you learn what you want you can too realize what you need to do to get closer to that reality, the skills needed or the strategies needed. I can too understand your not being able to move forward after just quitting that hard job. Your life had done a 180 switch over night. Put that behind you and look forward. :) Sarah

Anonymous said...

First of all, this is your blog and you can and should write about whatever you want.
Second, it might be time to think about moving again. If not Tasmania, then somewhere else.
I believe everything happens for a reason. Perhaps these last 3 years have been a time for you to learn new skills that will help to prepare you for the next stop on your journey.

Lisa said...

Thanks guys for the lovely supportive comments. You've given me losts to think about.

I'm beginning to reealise that the move to Tasmania is more my dream than Tony's. Whenever I mention it, and I do on a fairly regular basis, he either says it will be impossible for him to find a job down there at his age (47), is only interested in going there when he retires or he just changes the subject.

The idea of going by myself has crossed my mind but that opens up a whole other topic and I'm such a chicken I doubt I'd have the courage to go on my own.

Anyway I'll keep my dream ticking over inside. "One day I will move to Tasmania".

Thanks again
Lisa xox